The Stone Cold Stunner

i was in a swat unit with bruce willis raiding some druglord's headquarters... but they expected us and we were so outnumbered.

I hid in a closet just hoping for the best. Bruce joined in and tried hiding in the corner. Some thug opens the door, I point 2 guns at him but his friends point a lot more at us. We were taken hostage. We were tied up and forced to sit on the ground till the boss came in.

5 minutes later, the boss comes in and it turns out to be the joker and harley quin. I realize it's a dream. Usually when i figure this out, i can control my dream and get superpowers and hot chicks involved.... i coulfnt this time. I thought hard to have the ability to fly or shoot something but nothing was happening. Harley poiints a gun at my face and i start thinking the stone cold song hoping i can pull off a miracle..... boom stone cold comes in and stuns the joker, the rock comes in and rockbottoms harley and then the people's elbow. We're untied and we all drink beer and I wake up

... I summoned Stone Cold and The Rock

Homeless dog and a dream stolen

I was fighting the urge to go to sleep so this dream kind of has gaps cause I woke up and fell back into the dream

It started with me trying to fight the urge to sleep, felt almost as if I were drugged. I heard my door open, I tried to run to it but I felt very weak. I crawled towards the stairs. I heard to door closed and a footstep, I started throwing shoes down the stairs while still on the floor in hopes to scare away any buglar. I fell asleep but then woke up to sounds of soft barking. I looked for a dog but couldnt get myself awake enough. I passed out on the floor. I wake up to the barks again and find a yorkie next to my punching bag. The dog has no tag. Someone knocks on my door claiming to have lost a dog, so I said I'll go get him from upstairs. He punches me and runs up my stairs. I go up, and drill him with my fire extinguisher, and then put him in a sharpshooter. The dog starts biting at his face while he screams. I let go after like 5 minutes and then knock him out with a strong punch to the face. I tie him up and call the cops.

Now I woke up in real life for 5 seconds and fell asleep. Me and the dog were walking and I saw Priyanka Chopra and I've assumed the role of an actor indian movie Dostana. In the movie, She broke up with her boyfriend from the movie and I put a move on her. I noticed a glitch in my dream but didnt pay attention to it cause she was so hot, she would jump on me and I would hvae trouble holding her up... which I shouldn't have trouble with at all. Now this isnt in the script and she mentions it to me. I told her I wont let go unless she tells me to, we start making out and dirty talk inbetween the kisses. I close my eyes while we were kissing, when I opened my eyes, I realized it was a guy, ShahRukh Khan trying to kiss me, I drilled him with a Rock Bottom and start hearing the Joker's Laughter. I realized it was a dream with in a dream. I wake up into the level 1 dream and see the Joker and Scarecrow. I'm tied into a chair. The joker does his evil laugh and says "How does it feel to have and then lose everything?" Scarecrow hits me with his serum but with an adrenaline rush, I brake out of the ropes and run for Scarecrow trying to take him out.

I hear glass break and stone cold comes out of nowhere and hits me with the stunner. I woke up to the sound of my backup alarm which is stone cold's theme song.

Blood is on the PETA

Me and ushir are golfing at glenwild greens out in bloomingdale, NJ. We approach the final hole, a 180 yard par 3 with a lake off center in the middle. I hit my shot into the trees so I went to look for the ball as ushir went to hit off the tee. When I'm in the tree, I see the two deer by the lake charge at ushir and one runs right into him, knocking him over. I sprint back with a my lob wedge (my only all steel iron) and crush the baby deer in the neck. I see ushir down in pain. The mother deer comes at me, I do a spin move and drill it in the back of the head with the iron and hit it continuously till it stops moving. I take ushir to the hospital where he is found to have nothing more than a few broken ribs.

The local newspaper, the leader wrote an article about how I saved ushir. I'm sleeping in my living room adn start hearing lots of noise. Something is being thrown at my house. I look at my window and it's a PETA protest on my lawn and those assholes are throwing rocks at my place. I am obviously furious, I run out my side door and sprint to my car and start driving to Tony's house. I pick up Tony and asked him where he bought the big from the pig roast.

So we go to the butcher's farm and we ask for him to save the blood of all the animals he kills for $200. He gives us a few jugs of butchered animal blood in which I put in heparin to keep it from clotting. From there, we went to toysrus to buy the biggest water guns we can find. We filled our super soakers with the heparinized blood and started our drive to my place.

I open the sunroof and Tony sticks his head out the top and starts the drive by, shooting up the PETA protesters with blood. I get out of the car with two more super soakers and attack them. all 15 or so protesters drenched in blood running away, some falling by slipping on the blood.

I wake up

8/1/2010 Alternate Universe

I get arrested for punching a dude in the face. My prison sentence was lifetime of slavery in the alternate universe, which at the time made no sense to me. The judge explained to me that scientists have discovered an alternate universe which is identical to this one but with a completely different history and story. There has been a portal created to go to this alternative universe but its only one way. The government has decided to send prisoners through in order to cut back on costs of keeping them in prisons. I was told that when I get there, I will be seeing a slavery orientation lecturer who will give us a history of the area and what to expect. They put us all in a room chained together by the feet and zapped us a giant laser. I opened my eyes and I was on a cliff overlooking a massive city with a huge castle sticking out over it.

I see this guy wearing military gear and he starts yelling at us, “Welcome to Bobby’s World, you bunch of filthy swines.” The fellas kind of just looked at each other and I asked “Bobby’s world?” The sergeant says, “Yes, Bobby’s World. There are no more countries, states, counties. There is a guy name Bobby who took over the world.” After he said this I saw a giant bird that looked like tucan-sam from the fruitloops cerealbox. The sergeant said “ignore them, they don’t attack people.” Tucan attacked him and killed him off. He came after the guy next to me but I picked up my legs to trip him with the chains and we stomped a mudhole in him. Shots were fired at us and 4 of the 10 guys died. Some soldier came in and said “The penalty for attacking one of Bobby’s birds is death.” So I threw a giant rock at the back of his head and either knocked him out or killed him. We dragged to corpses towards him and then shot the chains open.

We all ran away but we had no idea where to go or what to do. Word got out about our killing of Bobby’s bird and soldier and we were wanted fugitives. I go to the town market and by a trenchcoat and a vest. I also went looking around for a local gunshop but was told there was no way to have access to a gun. The only people to have guns in Bobby’s world are the police and soldiers. I had one choice left, kill some police and soldiers to grab their weapons so I have something to defend myself against being hunted by Bobby’s authority. I laid down screaming for help down in an alley when I saw a cop walk by and he came in running. I point up the fire escape and said some guy mugged me. When he looked up, I took the chain I had and choked him out. I took his gun and his ammo. I took out another 3 cops in a similar fashion and had 4 guns. Those guns went into my vest but I felt I needed a machine gun for my trenchcoat to hold. I shot down two soldier guards, took their guns and ran for it. I was chased by dogs but I lost them as I jumped for a ladder of a fire escape and climbed to the rooftop.

Over the next few days I was being pointed out by the cops and random soldiers that are on patrol around the area. I decided that the only way I’d make it is by killing the guy who put the hit out on me. I had to leave the city first. I stole a dude’s motorcycle and went to the ocean side which was about 5 miles outside the city. Poseidon came out of the water and started speaking to me. He said “I not here to fight with you. We share a common enemy in Bob.” He gave me Poseidon’s rage. He also said that Ares wanted me to have the demon that kicked my ass in a previous dream. Me and now my collegue demon went back to the main city and we got some stares.

We met a map maker in the market square. This guy can make magic maps that can target a person’s exact location at a time. To make this map, we need something that belongs to the person. So I went back to the site where I was transferred into this universe. I took a few feathers off the corpse of the toucan. The map maker made the map of the castle with a glowing point which signifies Bob’s location. The map showed two entrances. The main entrance was heavily guarded with soldiers. The side entrance was much smaller and only had a few guards. My plan was to send my demon to the front gate and his presence should be enough to draw fire while recruiting the side door guards which gives me a chance to take out someone and sneak in with their clothes. Apparently the demon can take many bullets and shoot fire. He killed over half the soldiers. Unfortunately for demon, he cannot take a rocket launcher. He died, and I’m glad he’s dead, he whipped my ass in a previous dream.

I got into the castle and got to the kitchen. Here I met a black mobster I’ve killed in my previous dream and he sent his gang after me. I started running up a spiral staircase and climbed into a ventilation system that took me to the bedrooms in the castle. I figured I’d just go room to room until I find Bobby and just shoot him. My plan failed horribly as I fell down taking the vents with me. I fell into a room with some blonde dressed in a gown. She knew my face and was kind of freaky. Looked at me with lust and started coming on to me. I went along with it. Apparently I slept with the dictator’s daughter. She apparently hates her father because she is never allowed out of the castle to explore the outside world. With the false promise of me taking her away if she helps me kill her father, she told me there is a masquerade at the ballroom tonight.

I enter the masquerade with a Zorro like mask and then run into Hilary Clinton, who I gave a hard time to at a knicks game at a previous dream. She managed to recognized me and punched me in the face. Her punch managed to knock my mask off. Bobby recognized me and called for his guards. I grabbed Clinton and held a gun to her head. Told the guards if they took one step, I’d shoot her. Bobby said “shoot her, I don’t give a shit about her.” Knowing I was fucked, I shot her. They grabbed me from behind before I can get a shot at Bobby. I was told I’d be hanged at noon the next day.

They threw sand in my mouth to wake me up and took me to the guillotein. As some dude started listing my crimes, Medusa (whom I’ve hooked up with in a previous dream) comes to my rescue and freezes the entire stage outside of myself and the rope. I break loose and make a run for it. Medusa started shooting out these black webs all over the place causing the people to panic and start running. I used poisedon’s rage with pretty much took out everything within 200 yards of me. Grabbed the guns of the dead guards and went after Bobby.

I went into the castle tower where I saw a maze with cartoons ready to attack me which has happened in a previous dream. I ran like a bitch. Mickey Mouse had a rocket launcher. I ran into the daughter, whoms name I don’t remember, and she had a bloody sword claiming she killed her father. Mickey Mouse shot her dead. I jumped out of the window and landed in the ocean

I woke up.

6/23/2010 Murphy

I was driving on a street and hit traffic, people were getting out of their cars and running.

I get out of my car and noticed there was a shootout between the cops and a gang led by Red Foreman

The gunfire stopped and Officer Alex Murphy went to negociate with Redd so he doesn't kill the hostages he has. Redd at first looked like he was willing to neogiciate but then he and his gang started shooting murphy down with shotguns and mutilated him Robocop style. I felt like I had to stop it, but I wasn't gonna go into the shoot out... so I just at there, eating the coffee cake I had in my car.

eventually snipers took redd's gang out and we all went on with our day. Then I went to stumps house, which was weird cause I saw people I go to Med School with at his house. I went to his basement only to find a stash of gay porn which was weird. I went to the kitchen and made a sandwich and went to watch TV. For some reason, the med school people were watching home made videos of them waving at the camera... it was crap.

I woke up

6/18/2010 Frazza's Grandfather

I was leaving Tony's house and saw Tom's car. I put my face on his window to be a dick and start making faces. Then I see Frazza in front of Tony's steps and I tell him to quit being a bitch and come back to life. He says that he's been trying. Then out of nowhere Frazza's grandfather (My mind made him up, I have no idea what he looks like) comes and says "And bring back your brother and father."

I say "If you bring back your father, I'm gonna kill him"
his grandfather said "But he's a fruit principle"
I say "He wasn't a quire principle"
his grandfather says "Not a FRUIT principle, he was a principle of fruit"
me "What the fuck does that mean"
frazza "I am not gonna bring back my dad"
grandfather "But he's a fruit principle"
Tony runs out "What the fuck is going on here"
me "Frazza's dad was a fruit principle"
Tony "I guess he was gay, but he wasn't a principle"
Grandfather "NO A PRINCIPLE OF FRUIT"
Tony shakes his head in confusion blurting out "No.. no no no, this cant happen here, get the fuck out of here" and kicks frazza's grandfather out.

I wake up

6/18/2010 FRIENDS + medicaid

6/18/2010 FRIENDS + medicaid
Today I had a dream that I had a private practice clinic with 6 partners. The partners were the cast of the hit TV show FRIENDS. We were all double and triple billing our patients medicare/medicaid/HPO for money. We got caught and the cops showed up to our practice. We had an escape route leading to some trees where we had cars and an open area to drive onto the road on the other side. We went in 3 groups of 2. Lisa Kudrow was in my car. We went to shoprite to pick up some things for the roadtrip to mexico. We were practicing in San Diego to give you a general idea and yes I know there aren't shoprites in san Diego.

We hooked up in the shoprite bathroom and a cop spotted us in the parking lot. We booked it and lost him in a PNC bank parking lot where i ripped the license plate off another car and replaced ours. Lisa gave me a crew cut with the hairtrimmer we bought at shoprite. We made it to a random used car dealership where we bought a 74 GTO Cash.
We made it to new mexico before my alarm went off and woke me up... I think we would've made it